A novel method for the removal of ear cerumen -- or, People don't clear Eardrums; Guns clear Eardrums

A novel method for the removal of ear cerumen -- Keegan and Bannister 173 (12): 1496 -- Canadian Medical Association Journal: "A novel method for the removal of ear cerumen"

We describe the off-label use of a recreational device (the Super Soaker Max-D 5000) in the alleviation of a socially emergent ear condition.

A 45-year-old male complained of a profound reduction in his left ear acuity while staying at an island cottage in rural Ontario. His hearing loss was reducing his ability to hear his newborn son cry in the middle of the night, requiring his wife to carry out all late-night child care. As a result, correction of the problem was considered urgent.

The patient had been swimming multiple times a day for 6 days. He had had several ear infections as a child but was otherwise well. He admitted having used a Q-tip in his ear 'once or twice' recently in the affected ear.

An otoscope being available, examination of the external ears was conducted. The nature of his problem was revealed as bilaterally impacted cement-like ear cerumen.

Neither a formal ear syringe, nor a syringe of any kind was available on the island. The day was very hot, and no one was particularly in the mood to boat to Honey Harbour and then drive 45 minutes to Midland, just on account of ear wax. One of the owners of the property was consulted in his capacity as a professional engineer and the owner of a superbly stocked tool shed (rivalling a mid-sized Canadian Tire). He was not able to offer any substitute contraption of his own but suggested we approach his 4-year-old grandson to see if we could use his pressured water cannon.

Well, if you can't afford the right equipment or don't have it at hand, then the next best thing can be pretty darned useful. It's all about keeping an open mind, and I like to think the quaint Canucks do have a bit more of an open mind than their warlike neighbours.

And that's a pretty kickass story, too.