Emoticons Suck

What the hell is it with newbie net people and emoticons? (For the record, if you never grabbed mail over a 300bps netlink, I consider you newbish) It seems that newbies love to use them all the time, and I'm just here to say, "Dude, no one loves your emoticons as much as you do."

You may say ':-/' or ':-<' or maybe :-&' about it, but really, boyo, just use the fuckin' words that your mom taught you how to say 13 years ago, okay? Hoodafuck is gonna remember all these combinations of characters which are supposed to accurately convey an emotion? Nobody with any kind of a fucking life, that's who!


And don't get me fuckin' started on the ^_^ japanemoticon bullshit that's swept the new-teen landscape. What the fuck is that; some kinda fuckin' cat? Yeah, so you're a cat. Pussy. Okay, I get it. Last time I checked, though, my cat wasn't all that expressive facially -- just dentally. So fuck you with your cool, new-wave japanemoticons.

Some guys in a game I play have labeled this bullshit as 'nubespeke', and I think it is a good label. It's more related to the complete fucking inability of anyone to fucking spell more than two goddamned words in a row without making an error my 2-year-old nephew would probably not even make, but I think that nubespeke can be extended to cover this kinda shit as well.

Now go make faces to my siamese, fuckwad, so she can fuckin' bite your nose off.