Is it You or just Yourself?

Look, man, where the hell did you learn to speak English?

"Telephone either Jim or myself at..."
"Beverly and myself went to the store..."

Your self?!? Why the hell are we stuck with talking to yourself? We want to talk to the whole you! When your mere self went to the store, did it take the rest of you?

Consider the phrase "I forced myself to down this raw squid for the Fear Factor prize." It's obvious that the Self isn't the one in control here: the will, really the Id, Ego and Super-Ego, the three stooges of the mind, are the ones manipulating the Self for fun and profit. Mainly for fun.

But they the hell would we all want to be stuck with talking to your Mat Puppet? We want the whole you, body AND mind! I mean, a mindless hunk of flesh is not gonna be any good on the telephone unless it's being driven by something of intelligence.

And it's obvious that it's not. Otherwise, you'd know that the only time 'myself' is usable in a real sentence is when it's the sole object and the complete subject is 'I'.

Learn to speak English properly, please: this mis-use of words is quaint on a person of lesser intelligence, but only because we get to laugh at such a person attempting to sound smarter than he or she really is; on a guy as smart as you, it's tacky. You're not nearly as stupid as your countrymen, and I hate it when you resemble them so.